Comfortable in Your Own Skin

By Dr. Judy Scher

There is a saying in our culture most have heard, “to be comfortable in one’s own skin.” The most basic meaning of this is that you feel comfortable being yourself, with nothing to prove to anyone. Some people feel they have achieved this relationship to themselves, others long for this relationship. However, is being “comfortable in your skin” enough? What if you could see the world and yourself from another perspective? What if there is more you?

We can only see the world through the lens we have currently adopted. This lens is the consciousness we embrace and live from. The lens of someone who is a member of a street gang would be different than the lens of a classical musician. Individuals could feel as if their perspective and way of living is authentic to them -- and they would be correct based on who they are in that moment. They may even feel ‘comfortable in their own skin.’

But are there other lenses of perception beyond our own personal one in the moment? Does it matter?

If we imagine for a moment that life is represented as a skyscraper, you would have a different view from the 5th floor than from the 50th floor. With each different view come different perspectives, thoughts, behaviors, actions, and feelings. On each floor what you see as an authentic you is different. So the ‘you’ with the 5th floor view may even feel comfortable in your own skin. The 50th floor wisdom would include all previous floor understandings and knowledge, yet it would transcend them. Being comfortable in our own skin at the 50th floor would have an entirely new meaning and we would see how we only had a certain understanding at the 5th floor.

With this understanding of lenses and levels, what can we learn about being comfortable in one’s own skin? Whether we are conscious of multiple levels of reality or not, the key here is congruence. Congruence with one’s thoughts, feelings and behaviors would manifest as someone who is not only happy but also vital and full of well- being. Congruence says that how we feel is how we REALLY feel. We are not sweeping anything “under the rug,” so to speak. Congruence is “being comfortable in your skin” of a whole other level.

Sometimes, we have adapted to the conditioning of our environment in order to survive and now we think that this adaptation is who we really are. That is like choosing to stay at the 5th floor lens instead of growing further. It may be comfortable but there are many floors/lenses above you that will come with expanded perspectives. If you ‘think’ you are comfortable with yourself, but in reality you are not and have simply buried the feelings you have about yourself so deep you are no longer aware of them, life will let you know about this incongruence by creating some sort of crisis. Remember, the symbol for ‘crisis’ in Chinese means opportunity.

For those that don’t realize that a crisis is life trying to wake them up, life will often feel hard, challenging, overwhelming, frustrating, and disappointing over and over. There will be cycles of bliss and cycles of deep suffering. For those who can recognize the signs of life wanting to get us more aligned with ourselves, we can see our discomfort as an opportunity to do things differently. The gift of crisis allows us to stretch where we haven’t gone, to feel what we haven’t felt, to see what we haven’t seen. Our willingness to value our discomfort, whether physical or emotional, and our willingness to want more for ourselves, actually brings a source of energy for growth into our life. Our mind registers this as well as our body and perhaps our body registers this experience first. Either way, there is an immediate connection. The way that the bodymind registers this is with good feelings. Feelings of alignment, peace, openness, space, and possibly even joy in the midst of the challenge. Everything doesn’t have to be going great in your life for you to feel aligned. However, when we are aligned and congruent with our experience, life has a way of shifting effortlessly. We learn to ride the waves of life instead of having them crash over us. And just maybe we grow so much we will one day get to 50th floor and say, wow, what an amazing view from up here and how different everything is and how perfect it is to be where I am, comfortable in my own skin.

Judy Scher, D.C. is Director of the Scher Center in Santa Fe since 1992. She is an international teacher, workshop leader, and keynote speaker. The Scher Center utilizes cutting edge reorganizational healing tools including Network Spinal Analysis Care. For more info go to www.schercenter.com

or call 505 989-9373. Live Wild. Live Wise. Celebrate the Magic of an Integrated You.