A Guide for Conscious Living since 2009
FEATURE - February 2016 - Santa Fe
Quantum Love: Use Your Body’s Atomic Energy to Create the Relationship You Desire
An Interview with Dr. Laura Berman
Editors Note: The Print Version of the magazine included a shortened verison of this interview, included here is the full interview
What is Quantum Love and why do we want it?
Quantum Love is a love that is more joyful, exciting and passionate than you’ve ever experienced before. It’s a connection that feels deep and infinite, infused with peace, power, and unconditional safety. It surpasses even the honeymoon phase so many wish they could return to in long term relationships. In Quantum Love you can be open‐hearted and vulnerable; loved not in spite of, but because of, exactly who you are. It’s the best possible experience of love, and it’s available to absolutely everyone; whether you’re seeking a mate, in a relationship that’s struggling, or one that has just become lackluster due to the stresses of life. Quantum Love comes when you consciously harness the atomic energy in your body to work for your relationship rather than against it.
It wouldn’t normally occur to combine love and Quantum Physics. Where’s the connection?
Though it might be hard to recognize at first, the principles of Quantum Physics impact our every waking moment. At our core, we are pure atomic energy. The research happening in the field of Quantum Physics is demonstrating that we are all energetically connected, and our emotional states affect the energy within and around our bodies, impacting our partner and our relationship.
Have you ever walked into your house and immediately felt the mood of your mate before seeing anyone? Maybe you were thinking about someone and his or her name suddenly showed up in your email inbox? You probably already have noticed that your mood naturally affects the mood of your mate, kids and even your pet. This is Quantum Physics at work. When we apply the lessons of Quantum Physics to our relationships with conscious intention, we are able to create the love we most desire.
What if you’re ready for a new experience of love, but your partner is resistant?
The best part of Quantum Love is that it’s already our natural state. All the tools we need are already there inside us. Once we tap into them, what was once difficult is effortless. The roadmap this book provides is all that is needed to access and realize Quantum Love. Truthfully your partner doesn’t even have to know you read this book or are practicing Quantum Love and you don’t need their buy in. But as soon as you start implementing the Quantum Love techniques, your mate will feel the difference and start naturally responding in kind. That’s when the fun really begins!
What is the Quantum Lovemap?
The Quantum Lovemap is a visual model that I created from the work of a variety of coaches and personal empowerment writers whose work I believe in and respect. Standing on the shoulders of giants, I synthesized their ideas all together to create a model that is a visual reference point of where you are energetically in your relationship, and where you want to be. Your emotional states have an energetic frequency that can be measured and calibrated. Some energetic states are lower frequency and tend to create less desirable results in your relationship, and others are higher frequency and have more positive impact. The higher the energetic frequency of your body, the more amazing your love life becomes. The Quantum Lovemap allows you to track your actual energetic frequency, and learn how to move yourself up the scale toward Quantum Love, where your greatest desires in love can be realized.
What is the difference between Home and Ego Frequency?
Home frequency is a term I use to describe your energetic sweet spot for Quantum Love. Ego frequency is a state in which you are prickly, aggressive, defensive, easily wounded, and incapable of accepting or giving perfect love. Home frequency is when you are energetically open and vulnerable. Home frequency is the feeling you get when you look at your kids sleeping, or when you remember your first kiss with your beloved, or when you think of how you feel when you are perfectly at peace and at one with yourself and those around you. Your heart, mind and spirit are in energetic synchrony and you are having a substantive and positive effect on your partner and relationship without having to actually do anything. We all move in and out of home frequency all the time. In Quantum Love, I teach specific tools for recognizing when you are in ego frequency and shifting to home frequency with ease.
Can you explain what an EHFI is and why it’s important?
EHFI stands for Ego/Home Frequency Index. Your EHFI, shaped like an infinity symbol, represents how you move in and out of home and ego frequency. You may not realize it, but your energetic frequency is constantly expanding toward (and contracting from) home frequency, typically due to emotional triggers. The key to Quantum Love is to continue to practice staying in home frequency and the higher frequency emotions.
I have found that each of us has a unique pattern of where we tend to live and operate on the Quantum Lovemap. The EHFI helps us map our typical lowest frequency emotional states, our highest ones, and the point of transition between the two. In Quantum Love, I am going to teach you how to identify your personal EHFI pattern and learn how to use that knowledge to move back into ( and remain in) home frequency with ease.
Here is an typical example of the EHFI of what I call a “Quantum Love Beginner,” who tends to vacillate between the feeling pattern of apathy/despair and acceptance/forgiveness, with the point of transition at scorn/entitlement.
What does it mean to see your partner as your greatest teacher?
This is one of what I call the “Four Quantum Truths.” There is a higher purpose behind every relationship. After 20 years of working with couples, I have found that that toughest aspect of our partner’s personality is typically the unconscious reason we fell in love with him or her in the first place! For each of us, those roughest edges of our love relationships reflect our own learning edges and deepest areas for personal growth.
Your partner is ultimately a mirror of how you feel about yourself, and your relationship will call on you to get into integrity with earlier wounds and negative life patterns.
Perhaps you struggle with your partner’s unaffectionate nature. The Quantum Truth is that your partner’s lacking in the hugging and kissing department is actually serving you in some way. Maybe you are being called on to finally address earlier wounds of emotional abandonment or feelings of unworthiness. The situation might be inviting you to step into your power more and inspire and ask for more physical affection. Whatever it is that irritates you about your partner and your relationship, it is there for a reason. It’s a red flag saying “Pay attention to me!” What is it about the situation that is there to serve you? What is it that you can learn? You might be amazed by what you discover.
What are the Other Quantum Love Truths?
The Second Quantum Truth is: Your emotions have an energetic frequency that deeply affects your relationship.
Most of us have learned enough about the newer discoveries in physics to know that our core all of us are pure atomic energy. But no one has yet applied what we’ve learned about Quantum Physics, atoms and energy to your love life, until now in Quantum Love.
We now know that two people in a love relationship become energetically entrained to one another causing their atoms move into synchrony with one another . Once two atoms are entrained, they remain that way forever.
In Quantum Love I describe several studies that have demonstrated the impact of our emotional frequency state on our surroundings, especially in love relationships. Your partner feels and responds to your energetic state, whether they are conscious of it or not. We all know that our words and our actions have an impact. But the real power lies beyond that, in the energetic states you hold while with your beloved. We all are responsible for the energy we bring into the room and into the relationship with us. When you can consciously attend to your body’s energetic states and harness that power, it takes your love life to new heights you can’t imagine.
The Third Quantum Truth is: The lens through which you view your partner is everything.
Where your attention goes, energy flows. The lens through which you view your partner and your relationship will dictate your emotions toward them and the energetic frequency you hold around them. Most of us look for the ways in which our partner is failing us—the times they are late, grumpy, selfish, or unaffectionate. This puts us in a place of scarcity and low frequency energy, which not only affects our mood around our mate, but impacts their energetic frequency state as well. This is Quantum Physics at work.
The Fourth and Final Quantum Truth: It is always possible to shift to Quantum Love.
If it sounds impossible to be patient with your partner during a fight or to stay in a state of quantum love when you are furious, but believe this: It is always possible and it is so much easier than you think. Quantum Love is always within your grasp. It just takes some practice. Once you learn the key principles and make the commitments I ask you to make in Quantum Love, it gets easier and easier, and the results you will see in the relationship will blow your mind and keep you motivated!
You talk a lot about Open Heartedness in Quantum Love. Why is that So Important?
From an energetic perspective, open heartedness is also known as coherence. This is a measurable state where the electromagnetic pulses of your brain and your heart come into synchrony. It is also when you are in home frequency and humming in the Quantum Love zone. That’s where the real relationship magic can happen. Studies at the HeartMath Institute have shown that our hearts have a powerful electromagnetic field around them that is 60 times greater in amplitude and 5,000 times stronger than the electrical activity produced by the brain! In fact, the energy of the heart is so strong it can be detected from several feet away.
In Quantum Love you will learn to master a simple technique to put yourself into coherence. This high frequency state that positively impacts your partner and helps you create the relationship reality you desire.
This is a different book than you’ve written before…what inspired it?
While I’ve written numerous books on the most intimate aspects of peoples lives, love and sexuality, this book is the most personal one I have ever written. It grew out of some of my deepest and darkest moments—the loss of my mother and my subsequent diagnosis with breast cancer. During this series of AFGE’s (Another F#!&ing Growth Experience), what began as an effort to better understand what I was going through led me on a journey of discovery. I waded into an entirely new and deep pool of wisdom composed of science, philosophy, physics, and even metaphysics. It would add a powerful new layer to my work, not to mention the rest of my life. What I teach in this book truly comes from the soul and it has worked miracles, not only in my life, but in the life of countless couples I’ve taught to practice Quantum Love.
Laura Berman, Ph.D., is a world‐renowned sex and relationship educator and therapist; the founder and director of the Berman Institute in Chicago, which specializes in sexual health and individual and couples therapy; and assistant clinical professor of psychiatry and obstetrics/gynecology at the Feinberg School of Medicine at Northwestern University. Considered a thought leader in her field, Dr. Berman is the New York Times best‐selling author of many books on sex, love, and relationships and host of the nationally syndicated radio show Uncovered Radio with Dr. Laura Berman. She has appeared in the pages of nearly every major U.S. magazine and newspaper, as well as on most television talk and news shows, including the TODAY show, Good Morning America, Fox News, and CNN. Dr. Berman serves on the advisory board for The Dr. Oz Show and is a regular guest on Steve Harvey. Website: www.drlauraberman.com
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Once the initial intense excitement of a new relationship fades, we tend to think there are only two options: chase the impossible dream of recapturing that early magic or settle for a less than fulfilling love life. In Quantum Love, sex and relationship expert Laura Berman, Ph.D., the New York Times best‐selling author of eight books including For Women Only, Real Sex for Real Women, and The Passion Prescription, offers a thrilling alternative—a higher level of love beckoning us to move forward, not backward. Using the essential truth we’ve learned from the study of quantum physics—the fact that at our molecular core, each of us is simply a vessel of energy—she explains how we can use what’s happening in our inner world to create a level of passion, connection, and bliss in our relationships that we never imagined possible.
Quantum Love taps the latest scientific and metaphysical research to help you apply the principles of quantum physics to your life in real, sustainable ways. Drawing on her clinical practice and case studies as well as her personal journey, Dr. Berman guides you to:
Plot your unique energetic frequency of love with her Quantum Lovemap Work consciously with the energy of your body, heart, and mind Make four key commitments designed to raise your energetic profile Bring your frequency into harmony with your partner’s so that you can grow together psychically, emotionally, and sexually
We can’t go back to the honeymoon phase—and the truth is, we wouldn’t want to. Dr. Berman’s program lets us reach new heights of intimacy as we gain a fuller sense of purpose in life and love.
Available: February 9, 2016 Price: $24.99 Format: 6” x 9"; Hardcover ISBN: 978‐1‐4019‐4883‐2