WISDOM WITHIN - August 2015 - Kansas City

Becoming Free of Judging

By Suzette Scholtes

“Outside validation” is a ploy of our negative ego. “I am mega sum laudae,” some may think. “I’m better than you!” One may have accomplished this success but the attitude of superiority blocks intimacy with others. Could it be that outside validation validates our self worth, but at the same time diminishes our inner resources of self-love and self-esteem?

“My hair is awful!” said my friend at lunch the other day. Her long blonde hair cascades down her back. In that moment I was admiring her beauty. She looked at me. “I must quit saying that,” she said.

When we avoid judging self or others pathways to freedom open like super highways. Author Paul Selig, who wrote The Book of Knowing and Worth (reviewed by

Evolving,) is in town this month at Aquarius bookstore. He writes that when we avoid imposing our will we allow others around us to become empowered to make their own best choices.

Master yoga teacher, Aadil Palkhivala, visited us in June, teaching yoga nidra. This is a state of deep rest when one creates a powerful, heartfelt intent called san kalpa. Aadil made it clear: “We hold love and healing for those we love, but the intent you create in this ritual is for you. Period.”

He went on to clarify the “law of attraction,” developed by the ancient yogis thousands of years ago. “You bring to you what you put out,” he said. “Vibe matches vibe.”

How do we stop judging? First, be the mirror! Are you judgmental of yourself? Are you critical of yourself? Some project their negative thoughts upon others. Then, if around these folks, bubble up with protection and get boundaries up fast, fast, fast!

Ever hear the phrase “Do not judge anyone until you have walked in his/her shoes for two moons?” The moon waxes and wanes just like human beings do. We may have compassion and empathy for others and at the same time stay strong with our own inner courage and conviction.

Right before teaching the other day, I received a negative email. I chose to let it go and not say a word. No one knew my heart hurt. I wanted to say something but wished to keep the environment light and happy. Projecting for me was not an option.

The same week someone at The Yoga School made a derogatory comment about another. I realized that judgments are based on someone’s beliefs, even superficial ones. They hold opinions such as “This is not how things should be done,” or “This is not the way one should act.” They may feel their opinion is the right, or best one, yet if hammered onto someone else crosses that fine line of a judgment.

I find this helpful:

Listen from the heart, not just your ears. Foster empathy & understanding.
Remember all judgments given out, or received, tears down walls of sharing and caring.
It’s helpful to put down boundaries, such as “let’s talk later,” when communication begins to go awry.
Try to chill out when conflict hits rather than react and complain: “Let’s give this a day or so and talk about it later,” works for me.

The ego loves to feel superior when we judge harshly, even ourselves. The ego may say “I am better than,” or “I am less than.” In either case, to recognize the lie of the ego opens the love and healing of our soul and spirit.

Suzette Scholtes’ non-fiction writing won the prestigious “Writers Digest” award. Her passions are writing and yoga and she feels one needs a sense of humor for both. She founded The Yoga School of Therapeutics where she manages one of the regions prestige teacher training programs. 10400 W. 103rd Street,

Overland Park.

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